ONE FOR JOY

Let's Long Highway

2012-02-15T14:40:00.000-08:00

To whoever sent me my mysterious Valentine,

Firstly, thank you. It made for a beautiful (if not slightly cryptic) surprise.

Secondly,
Yes, let's.
I've always wanted to see New Orleans.

Thirdly,
I'm definitely going to watch Twin Peaks now. I've been meaning to.for years. It's time (lady with log?).

List II (24 ways to send a reader to sleep)

2012-02-13T05:40:00.000-08:00

I like lists. Always have.

So, I share a few polka dots tacked onto the last weeks map. 24? I'll try, but I'm sure you'll nod off before the end...

1. I went for a past life regression. I found myself inside two past lifetimes. One was pretty terrible. The other one was beyond beautiful. I was grateful for the balance.

2. Manicure...to ground myself after the regression (great excuse to dish out some self love). The lovely lady steered me to a magpie's dream of a varnish- glittery golds and rainbow nudges. I later found out if was from The Muppets OPI collection. Oh my. Hearts all round.

3. Listened non stop to Matt Duncan. What a great chap.

4. I spent a fine evening in a truly lovely pub. It was my first time there- I had been meaning to go for some time. I urge you to drop in and slip down some dark ale next time you are London Easterly. ( The Railway Tavern, 2 St Judes Street, N16 8JT). Cosy, friendly and dimly lit-with a fire. Perfect for first dates I'd say.).

5. Helped my friend choose some new shoes. (Thanks for lunch J-great shoes you're wearing).

6. Tinkered with some luxurious whiskey. I should have been wearing pearls and a fox stole.

7. Bought too many dresses. This is getting ridiculous. I need to hold a dress sale. My appetite has lessened so I feel I may have replaced my recent avalanche cake cravings with snowballing wardrobing. Hey Ho.

8. Have adopted two more rose plants for my home. That now makes three, a lily and an azalea. Happy Families.

9. Found my lost piece of rose quartz in my old sheepskin jacket, along with a loving note (to myself) I had written two years prior on that exact day.

10. Wore a pair of high heeled boots to London and paid a price in sore ankles. I'm just not cut out for such highs.

11. Ran away to Paris (this is a lie).

12. Rediscovered Tofu, with slight regret.

13. Found a brand new electric overblanket lurking in a cupboard. This was luckily on the coldest night, when I had returned home to find my boiler had made love to the carpet. Wet wet wet. Thankfully I have the loveliest boiler man, who fixed me up quick smart. (no...gosh-your mind!).

14. Was treated to an almost Valentines supper by my gorgeous friend.

15. Returned to The Railway Tavern later in the week with two beautiful men (who I am lucky enough to call my dear friends), to sit by the fire and share warm custard talk. Snow started to fall at quite a pace outside, and with whiskey in our mittens we felt perfectly placed and very lucky.

16. Thought about moving to London some more. Still thinking.

17. Glowed fiercely.

18. Had some great hugs. Gave some back. Passed some wide sky smiles. Bloomed some back.

19. Was given a miniature swing dance lesson past midnight. I was terrible. Perhaps due to whiskey legs.

20. Had a word with the moon.

21. Tried to be serious.

22. Sent two Valentines (to my Mum and friend).

23. Wished I could spoil someone on Valentines. Just because (I'm a total flippin romantic, had you guessed?).

24. Made a birthday plan! AT LAST! I'm singing at Catweazle on my *actual* birthday, followed by ice cream and champagne.

Juniper

2012-02-12T05:49:00.000-08:00

Photo: Ted Owens

Theres a patient jump inside.

(An elderly gent just sat his dog down outside the gallery. He then stepped back, took a camera out from his trolley and snapped a photograph of the dog).

It is rather cold today. Rather.

(I'm not complaining...I spent the morning reading in bed with cat, berry tea cup perched atop my cream coverlet).

The smell of coconut and pumpkin soup sifts through to where I sit.

Lashes float down. Feather weight memory, a last Monday. A man with a watercolor bird.

The Fanged Robot Beats A Path To Your Heart

2012-02-10T14:39:00.000-08:00

REASONS FOR

GOOD CHEER

My lovely friend Robby Cosenza, aka 'The Fanged Robot' is coming to the UK to play some SHOWS! I'm thrilled...not just because I adore this man...he also makes magic music. I hope you can make it along to one of his gigs. I only have dates and vague places to hand at the moment, but as soon as I get some venues to match you'll be the first to know. I'm so gonna drag you along. By the scruff of your neck, by the hook of your tie.

By your soft, clammy hand.

D a t e s & P l a c e s

Mar. 06 – London, UK

Mar. 07 – Bath, UK

Mar. 08 – Birmingham, UK

Mar. 09 – London, UK

Mar. 10 – Milton Keynes, UK

This song in particular shivers me...

Since the last

2012-02-08T15:29:00.000-08:00

swanned

shawled...

seranaded.

Snow Share

2012-02-05T16:08:00.000-08:00

Snow showed.

Started last night. Stopped last night.

I gave out 33 love notes to strangers, tiny folds, wrapped in gold thread, then walked out on to a snowflake stage.

Oxford tucked ever so gently inside a pearl coverlet. Sleepy theatre.

My patient boots, smiling each step. Skirting around the Radcliffe Camera near midnight, blinking up, it's veil complete.

Eyelashes ran down my happy apple cheeks.

Narnia...those old street lamps.

How snow turns me from 5.10 of somewhat woman, into wide eyed, jubilant child...you'll find me hoping to find turkish delight in my pocket.

Wet hair on pillow. Cold nose.

Sleep, to dream,

to share.

Just A List. (what's happened to quality control?)

2012-02-03T15:21:00.000-08:00

Over the last few days I have:

Fallen over in the gallery where I work whilst moving too quickly (whilst riding a coffee wave). Three lovely friends came to see what happened. They thought a painting had fallen off the wall. No, just me. All this length of me.

Pretended in real life to be a barista. I started off a little scared. I ended on a high(ish) note (could have had something to do with all the coffee I drank *whilst* making coffee). A gentleman came up to the counter after he had finished his coffee to tell us that it had been fantastic (I wanted to say "I made it, I made it, it was me!" yet I did not. I danced a miniature foxtrot inside instead).

Drawn. Lots.

Spoken on the telephone to a dear friend, and laughed my heart into the darkness.

Found a triangular shaped bruise on my knee (which made me strangely happy).

Spent nearly three hours in a cafe after work, talking to a friend about past life regression, crystal healing, chakras and angels.

Imbibed some truly incredible hugs. (I love my friends so).

Given some hugs.

Eaten far too much cake.

Bought a very, very pink jumper, five sizes too large.

Watched the cat fall off the bed.

Stroked a tree.

Wished I could be closer to my far flung friends, but felt dazzled (daily) in knowing them.

Toyed with the idea of moving home/abroad.

Kissed the sky.

Felt actual love for my thighs (first time in *a long time*).

Said thank you.

Been given the gift of open words.

Drunk hot cider at Borough Market with my best friend, standing on one leg, catching up on everything, animated, joyous, freezing cold.

Smiled.

Cried (in happiness).

Developed a rash on my right hand from the cold weather/hot washing up water partnership.

Grown a big spot.

Worn a flippy skirt and fixed a gold thread hole in the jumper I was wearing with it- whilst I was wearing it- whilst at work (it was a quiet morning), whilst standing.

Twittered a little (nonsense).

Said goodbye to someone.

Greeted strangers with smiles.

Tried and failed to come up with a plan for my upcoming 30th birthday party. (Trying again).

Focused on eggs. I learnt that protein is grounding. I need grounding. Hence the eggs. (I also made a little discovery, that boiled egg chopped into vegetable soup is *something* delicious!).

Become vegetarian (again).

Marvelled at the proper, sharp cold that has us all in layers and shivers.

Bought a potted pink azalea and a potted pink rose. One on each mantle. Pink hearts growing, blooming in each room.

Tried Kundalini yoga for the first time, and was left stripped bare, exhausted, lifted...and looking forward to my next practice.

Balanced my chakra's. Or tried to. (Trying to).

Met one of my favourite musicians, Josh Rouse, after his gig at the Union Chapel, London (which was mesmeric...I went by myself, but felt such togetherness. I *love* it when artists ask the audience to get up from their seats and sing along...you can tell people have been itching to do so by the speed with which they jump up when asked. Hand clapping strong joy).

Rescued two mice on two separate nighttime occasions from the cats mirth.

Found some sadness, but did not fight with it.

Made sure I told someone that I loved them.

Wished someone luck.

Wished myself love.

Wishing *you* love, in this moment.

Between The Eyes

2012-01-18T08:02:00.000-08:00

One day, you will turn up,

snap.

I will say

Oh! There you are!

It will be less of a surprise, I suppose.

Just re-finding something. I nearly liken this to finding an old, beloved sock.

There it is. It was there all along. Perfect sense. Behind the radiator. Obvious place to look.

Of course...

You will have been there all along. Utterly familiar. Compelling to my every sense.

Today I imagine your hands,

fingers wading, waving

through water.

Back and fourth, gently. Turquoise.

The sun sets over a sea. We share a pot of mint tea on a balcony, still damp.

I smell eucalyptus, and the crook of the smile I have known for centuries.

Drunk On Nothing

2012-01-17T15:19:00.000-08:00

Today I got real

then marched into a dream (wearing yesterdays rainbow jumper with a flask of your unknown love tucked under my wing).

Today I thought about how you have led me
to this
and this, and this and
it goes on, long ribbon O beautiful ribbon. Tie it gently around my tongue, imperfect bow
bending the rules.

I hear...hang on...I hear
the sound of a tambourine (You sure play beautiful, sunlight streaking your cheeks, peace paint thumbed in scarlet tugs beneath your familiar eyes).

I rock. The train rocks. The train and I
are friends tonight.

I tell a friend, my my, urges on trains hey?

Tonight, raisins on the kitchen top, on the desk, in my dress
the Urge seeks me. I try
how I try
to hide

first, behind the cat. I forget the cat- so small!
Then, push, shove, jungle behind the sofa, dark and shell pink...the urge will not win!
The urge is cleverer than I first thought- I am found
caught, crescent cream grin slides onto my face

absurd pleasure.

Yes. O you.

Green green eyed.
Perhaps flight blue?

You could light up any dark space, no matter how hard it
tried
to refuse.

The tulip tree sings me to sleep,
dreams of (you) truncated.

Thank God, I'm still to meet you yet.

Spare Pear

2012-01-12T15:07:00.000-08:00

Forage Bones

2012-01-11T05:41:00.000-08:00

Coincidences.

Flocks.

Too many to choose from...too many to work out which one might mean...?

I've no idea.

I only know I am strongly impatient.

(I can hardly keep this quiet. How to ignore the delicacy of the fingers as they go about teasing this game?)

I want to take someone to the zoo. I still have my free tickets.

Why not use them all up?

Spend them wisely. Spill wildly.

(Yes, leave the bag in. We need this deep, rich, strong.

If I had been brave enough I would have taken you around the wrist that night. Instead, I looked across a kitchen at you.)

I shall paint myself bones
if I do not look again soon.

Rock

2012-01-10T08:46:00.000-08:00

Seasoned toil
until light winks

sidles
by

seashore trail
curdling kindly,

not asking for

anything

except for

perhaps one cream line

mounted against the salt of your mouth

Lighthouse

2012-01-09T07:00:00.000-08:00

To find someone to sing with

free

spread

fly

flee

Simple Thanks

2012-01-06T15:54:00.000-08:00

I just need to paper plane my thanks to the ladies and gentlemen who have shown me such love over the last few days.

My heart bows deeply to you.

Retrace

2012-01-04T03:01:00.000-08:00

Some years ago (here) I wrote -

"I do not need to be saved, I just want to be taken"

I retract this.

I need both. Saved and Taken.

Saved by myself. Taken by the hand.

And with that...Happy New Year! This one has to bloom, within each of us.

Lets make it for love.

Five Men

2011-12-20T03:13:00.000-08:00

One man took a photograph of me on a train, as I looked out from the window, unaware. He showed me, lost the photograph, then in another country, showed me an uptown/downtown good time. We eschewed shoes and shows as I told him my secret and later cried onto his friends bar. I hope this man is looking after himself as richly as he should be. High in the hills.

One man gave me the gift of an impromptu high five.

One man thought of me across a sea whilst I thought of him. Discovering this a few days later, we both gawped at the perfect knit of synchronicity. This man lent me his unlined leather jacket on a snapping Spring night, then told me to keep it (I could not). This man was one of the most quietly kind men I have ever met. I miss him.

One man still makes me smile most every day. Kindest heart beneath a hat. I hope we know one another for as long as forever will let us. His far friendship has been the gift of my year. Perhaps one day he *will* teach me guitar.

One man kissed me on sloping steps as darkness fell. He said "I just have to get this out (of) the way". This man screwed a new bulb into my year. I fell over a sea for this man. I have loved this man for his loyal passions.

I thank The Great Universe for these men, for illuminating my life in ways they might not ever realise.

Snow Delete

2011-12-14T02:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we saw snow in Oxford. A mere minute. Yet I fizzed with excitment. I think I even *squealed* (Not something I do often- at least I hope not).

My boss man turned blank white. The sight of snow hurriedly crippled his dreams of us winning the Christmas bonus "jackpot". Last year (before I worked in this particular consumers paradise) the snow before Christmas stomped it's wet boots all over sales margins, leaving both laminate flooring and bonus dreams sodden.

I must not mock. I was not there. I was the lucky one. I missed the never ending loop of mopping flooded laminate.

When they tell me, their eyeballs become translucent. I hear their bones weep quietly from inside their woolen sheaths. (Yes. Wool. Lots of wool. We are not allowed to close the door. Cold? Cold is an understatement. Try...trembling. It's almost as cold as working in a florists, minus the pleasure of blooms).

So, I must try to keep my snow squeals under control, if only to help out with my poor bosses migraines.

I had a point hidden somewhere here. Where is it?

Snow! So. Snow.

The snow made me happy. The mere promise of snow grips me as happily as if it were already slumbering on my lawn.

Snow has been my forever fascination. My big, true love. I hardly see it. It visits rarely. A distant, favorite friend or relative you spend precious, borrowed moments with. They turn up once in a blue moon. You then drink them down, hug them tight, (perhaps a little too tight) you want this moment to last! So you give it your all. With snow I sit and watch.

Just sit.

Look.

Look at the snow!

There it is. Laid out. Shining. Flat. Calm. Quiet.

I can hear...my heart and my blood and the trees up close. Snow cups time, and tells it to s l o w down. Time listens. Haste paces, paces, then retreats to the chair in the corner by the fire.

Children spark into the mornings and build, bundle and roll. Flushed, cherry cheeks! Suddenly forgetful of their televisions, plastics and electricals, they swoop into play outdoors. The sky is wider, the mouths are open, screaming darts decorate the landscape. Lungs, arms and legs scatter, swing. Joyful simplicity triumphs.

Snow holds my spirit. It tells me everything is o k. I feel less alone when the snow comes. I don't know how or why this works, but it does, covering muddy tracks and traces of despair. Even a brief visit can erase a whole seasons worth of worry.

I hope for more snow. Patiently.

I recently deleted four years worth of blog entries from here. I've laid my own snow.

It's time to begin a new season.

E Lo Quence

2011-12-12T15:59:00.000-08:00

To wish for eloquence, or for the words to match the feeling.

Lernert and Sander - "How To Explain It To My Parents"

2011-12-01T13:51:00.001-08:00

Over the years I think I've had one or two conversations like this with my parents...